Getting older is a part of life.

At first you want to be older, those earlier years where the upcoming milestones are desired … turning 15 and being able to get a Drivers License, turning 18 and being allowed to buy booze … many moments where those are positive things.

And then you start hitting milestones that are … less desired. I clicked over a major one recently, and an incredible feeling of mortality hit me. To replay that meme … it’s weird to be the age of old people.

My family like to joke around a lot, and there were definitely the expected “wow dad you’re so old” comments, all said in jest of course and I’m happy to play along. But then in moments of reflection, I found myself feeling very morbid, tangibly feeling like I could count the years and days left. You start to look at the people around you … aunts, uncles, parents, siblings … and realize what their age actually is. I’m well past having grandparents still walking this world, and all of a sudden … holy shit … my parents and their siblings are the age of what in my mind my grandparents still are.

And I found myself thinking … I’m not ready for this.

Having kids, for me at least, was something that I enjoyed in the “middle years” onwards. The first 5 years, let’s face it, is a lot of work, and sometimes not that much fun. But then that self sufficiency kicks in, they can feed themselves, dress themselves, have a shower, communicate their needs … and that was fun. But then they grow up and move out, and with that comes for me a little panic … I wanted them to grow up, but not … leave.

I suspect when people say “mid life crisis” this feeling is one of the contributing factors. I don’t believe I’ve had what might be considered a crisis … but I am definitely feeling a little aggrieved that … dammit, how can I be statistically over 2/3 of the way through??

I also am more than a litte concerned about the hard reality that at some point I am going to lose a parent. Beyond grandparents and an estranged uncle, my family has not experienced any major loss. And I’m shit scared of what I’m going to feel. Our parents had my sister and I very young, so to us they have never been that much older than us, and always youthful. My parents were under the age of 40 when I left home and I’m the baby. That feels insane to me.

But now I see them, and they are aging, fast. That’s not a negative thing to say, they have worked their butts off their whole lives in farming and active lifestyles, and there is a price you pay for that later in life. And living across the world from them, that feeling of indecision on what to optimize time for is kicking in. Life is all about choices, and I have made mine, now the impact of those choices is landing. I love my life where it is, no doubt, however … my parents.

Why do I post this one? Because it’s important. Life is finite. Our time is what it is. And it’s easy to squander what you have. Have I wasted time? Yes, I have, but not that much. But that feeling of … tick tock … is there … and so whatever I do I want to be awesome, rewarding and fulfilling.

Spend your time wisely, enjoy the ride, and don’t wait, tomorrow never comes.